The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer

Lincoln engages in ""telegraph sex"" with a woman he's never seen.

Desmond, Nibblet and the President wind up trapped behind enemy lines after a freak accident with an observation balloon, and President Lincoln must dress in drag to escape Southern territory. Meanwhile, General Grant tries sobriety.

When Lincoln falls ill before a meeting with Queen Victoria, Mary Todd decides to hire a body double to impersonate the president. Little does the body double know that she's got another use in mind for him.

When foreign dignitaries bring their mistresses to visit, President Lincoln finds temptation in a gift from a foreign dignitary. Meanwhile, Nibblet concocts a tonic for Mary's migraines.

After managing to get himself hired as President Lincoln's butler, Desmond Pfeiffer schemes to return to his native England.

When Confederate soldiers kidnap Mrs. Lincoln, Grant retaliates by kidnapping Robert E. Lee's wife.