Heist Night

I’m great with demolitions, but they never ask me. They’re just like ‘keep writing Youtube captions.’ Whatever.

I offered to be the getaway driver, and they said “we’re probably just gonna take an Uber?” Even when I told them I already own 5 matching Mini Coopers.

Do you think Trapp won’t let me do the heist because I broke one of his elf figurines? That was like 2 years ago.

I could have impersonated the dealer. But no, ‘you need to moderate the comments.’ ‘The team’s already full.’ Whatever, Trapp.

Now I can finally reveal my role’ I was in the air ducts the entire time’ watching, uh, the air ducts.